| Yawning
Bread. August 2006
PAP wins by a landslide
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The PAP won the popular vote by a resounding margin last night. With this
victory, fresh blood has been inducted into the party's ranks in
Parliament.
Mr Peter, the new People's AJ Party member for Gay Lang constituency promised to implement the economic agenda as outlined in the party's manifesto. He also expressed his "soft" side, saying he had experienced a deprived childhood. He was the only gay boy in his school, and felt very lonely as a result. Hence, if elected, he promised to improve the education system, mandating gender studies and same-sex bonding. That way, no child will ever feel alone again. The election took place at "Be who you want to be", held at Mox Bar and Cafe on 12 August 2006, organised jointly by Mox and Safehaven. It's one of the many events in People Like Us' Indignation -- Singapore's gay and lesbian Pride season.
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Compered by well-known stage and TV
personality Hossan Leong, the event had 6 contestants in the race. Each
contestant had first to appear before 3 judges for a round of questions
before going backstage for an hour, during which time, they transformed
themselves into brand new personalities.
During the initial interview by the judges, Peter, a civil servant, was asked why he wanted to stand for election. He sheepishly admitted that when the idea of organising such a contest came up, he had said, yes, it was a good idea. Civil servants, as Yes-men, are wont to say yes. Later, when he was asked to stand for the election, it was difficult for him to turn it down, since he had said Yes. That's how he ended up on the platform. With that, he went backstage, emerging in the second half of the program after an extreme makeover, to all-white. As it turned out, he did very well in the poll, garnering 69 votes, far ahead of the next-placed contestant.
The latter, who transformed himself into a swimmer, came in third. It is believed that Alfie was from the Wankers' Party (WP), though he never really showed the hard tool that is the party symbol. He did claim however that he was a size 10-and-a-half, but averred that he was referring to footwear. Alfie (WP) was the darling of the crowd; they cheered his every move, especially when he made himself dripping wet from a sponge. However, the crowd's enthusiasm was a poor indicator of his vote-count. He got only 15 votes.
He must have lost votes when, asked to sing, he gave a Chinese song. Boy George never sings in Chinese. The remaining candidates put up a good fight, but didn't do as well. They were a mixed lot, the most prominent among them being Grace with her black leather dominatrix outfit.
However, this image might have been too combative for Singaporeans' tastes. People began to wonder if her real surname was Chee and if she was at risk of being sued for defamation. There were well over 300 people in Mox, perhaps 400. They were thoroughly engrossed in the proceedings, paying attention to all the candidates' speeches. However, total votes cast was only slightly above 100; the rest did not vote. This is not unusual in Singapore when most voters do not get a chance to cast a ballot at any general election. It was quite obvious during the counting that victory would go to the PAP. The crowd then began to chant "P-A-P, P-A-P!" as the results were announced.
© Yawning Bread
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Alfie (right) wore red before he joined the Wankers' Party. As the crowd soon discovered, this WP does not wear
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Footnotes
Addenda None
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The
runner-ups were Shawn and Alfie.
Shawn in the guise of Boy
George, got 20 votes.
Believed to be a candidate of the Sisters of Dubious Assignation (SDA),
campaigning did not live up to expectations. 
With 69 votes out of the slightly over
100 votes cast, the vote-share of the PAP is estimated to be around 66.6
percent. With the election out of the way, the PAP will thus form the next
government, but it looks like the WP gets to keep the sex appeal. 
