It's my birthday, spend money on me

There's an old Chinese saying: To impose an obligation on others, it is an act of rudeness. 

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Every now and then in my years of managing people, I come across leave applications. The type that still bemuses me is that which is for just one day where the reason is "celebrating my birthday". 

Call me a dolt, but I still can't figure out how one's birthday is meaningful to anyone but oneself, and why anybody else should "celebrate" this day. But obviously, if someone takes the day off on account of "celebrating his birthday", some kind of party must be in the works. After all, it's difficult to imagine him spending the day in solitary meditation. 

And indeed a party is what happens. Friends are told, "It's my birthday this Sunday, come to my party," and then they are left scrambling for money to buy a present. 

Fortunately, I am past the age when I get many of such invitations. Most of my friends, in my age group, let birthdays go by quietly. Maybe they think like me – why should my birthday interest anyone else? – or the number of years adding up is getting too large to draw attention to. 

It seems then, that taking the day off to celebrate one's birthday tends to involve younger folks. 

It may simply be that younger people feel a greater need to socialise, more than older adults. 'Birthday' is just a convenient excuse. They just need to hang out together, to bond, to renew their sense of fraternity. What's wrong with that? 

Rationally speaking, nothing wrong at all. Humans are social animals, and our social relationships will prove useful in many ways at other times, so they are worth cultivating. Nor should we be such wet blankets to think that having a good time is some kind of self-indulgent sin. 

But what still bothers me is the use of the birthday excuse. It bothers me that this creates an obligation on the invitee's part to stump up money and bring a gift. It's fine to throw a party, pay for it yourself and ask your friends to come. It's not the same to create an event and expect others to incur costs for it. 

Nor is it fine that we don't see the distinction. I think it is an important test of character to be always aware of the consequences of one's actions upon others. Sometimes making others feel obliged is unavoidable, but clearly not those times when the point of the exercise is to crown the vanity of one's birthday. 

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Am I being too austere? Don't I, in other essays here, rail against puritans? 

Indeed, I do, but I am still being consistent. The puritanism I rail against is the imposition of moral codes upon others, especially through coercive means like law, censorship and social disbarment. Here, I am talking about the cultivation of the self and the abjuring of vanity; about the importance of not imposing upon others.

© Yawning Bread 

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