By Radha Basu

While other expectant mothers bask in the myriad joys of pregnancy, Janice Lee spends sleepless nights wondering where she will live once her little girl is born in June.

The 32-year-old is unmarried.

Her pregnancy has been a nightmare and a precursor, she fears, of a long road ahead as a single mum in Singapore.

In January, her boyfriend threw her out when she refused to have an abortion. He had proposed to her last year and she abandoned the PhD programme she was pursuing overseas.

In January too, she lost her well-paying contract job as a human resource specialist at a multinational company. She says she was fired for not telling them she was pregnant when she was hired the previous month. They never asked, she says.

Her parents too have turned their backs, fearing gossip.

Since then, she has been living with friends - moving five times in three months because she does not want to impose on anyone for too long.

Her predicament is not unique. The ranks of single mothers is swelling.

The latest Registry of Births data shows a spike in the number of babies born to unmarried women. Preliminary figures show there were 541 births last year where the father's name was not mentioned on the birth certificate, up from 461 in 2003.

Last year's figure is the highest in over a decade. Only a third of the births were to teenagers.

Tomorrow, ABN Amro Bank is launching a money-management programme for single mothers. It is supported by Project Wings, an endeavour by the 10 women MPs from the People's Action Party to help low-income women and children.

With her own extensive experience in financial planning, MP Penny Low helped the bank shape the new initiative, Project Gems.

'Single mothers, including unmarried ones, face double the burden with half the resources,' said Ms Low.

While grateful for this attention, unmarried mothers keep asking why they cannot have the same benefits and privileges that go to married mums. These include tax breaks and other financial incentives like the baby bonus.

As Ms Lee puts it 'We are taxpayers, our sons will do national service, our daughters will bear and nurture future generations.'

Though her dreams of wedded bliss have morphed into a complex new reality, she is keen to do the best for her unborn child. A little help from the government, wouldn't hurt, she says.

She recently joined Flyin' Solo, a support group for unwed mothers founded by two such mums last May. It has been petitioning the Government for more benefits.

At present, unwed mothers are not entitled to baby bonus or tax relief if they work. Those under 35 cannot buy Housing Board flats unless they go through a laborious process of seeking special permission. They can buy flats if they team up with parents or siblings - a mother and child are not considered a family unit.

Relevant authorities can make exceptions to these and other rules, on a case-by-case basis.

Ms Ginny Phang, 27, a founder of Flyin' Solo, says special approvals don't come easy. It took her six months to get approval to buy her three-room HDB resale flat.

'Yes, we may have made a mistake, but now we are taking responsibility for our actions,' she said. 'Should we be discriminated against for having and raising a child in a country that needs kids so much?'

The mothers also argue that they need financial incentives more than those in complete family units.

Financial planner Jessica Toh, 31, earns half of what she used to, largely because of the time she spends caring for her five-month-old son.

'Is deciding not to abort anti-family?' she said. 'For many of us, the fathers refused to bear responsibility.'

The women's efforts to be treated more equally with married mums will be an uphill battle.

'The family unit with a father, mother and child is the fabric with which we weave our community,' said the chairman of the Government Parliamentary Committee for Community Development, Youth and Sports, MP Sin Boon Ann. 'That should not be compromised.'

Not surprised that there are more unwed mums, he said 'Being better educated and financially independent gives them the choice to raise babies single-handedly.'

But he felt that having made alternative lifestyle choices, they should not then ask the Government to bend rules to accommodate them.

'No baby will be deprived of milk powder or a roof over his head,' said Mr Sin. 'If a single mother is really in need, of course, we will make exceptions'.

But the exception cannot become the rule.

His parliamentary colleague, Ms Low, shares similar views. 'Government policies are made on a macro level - they set the tone for society,' she said.

While unmarried mothers may not receive the same benefits as married ones, she said, their children are not discriminated against in education and childcare policies.

Emotional strength and support from family or friends were what these mums and their children needed most, she said.

Others say there is room to give these mothers more leeway. 'Some of these women are victims themselves, being abandoned by partners they trusted,' said head of the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) Braema Mathi. 'If unwed mothers are not given the same benefits as married ones, this inevitably will affect the child.'

The former Nominated MP, however, drew the line at providing benefits to women who had more than one child out of wedlock. But she felt home ownership rules could be made more flexible, at least by recognising a mother and child as a family unit.

For unwed mothers, the issue goes beyond tangible benefits. As her dimpled baby gurgled in the background, Ms Toh said that if she gave him up for adoption, he would become someone else's 'legitimate' child.

But she had him, loves him and wants to raise him. 'It hurts a lot that my baby will always be illegitimate in the eyes of the state,' she said.

(The names of some mothers in this story were changed to protect their identities.)

* * * * *

18 April 2005
Straits Times Forum

I refer to the article, 'Single mums' plea Don't ignore us' (ST, April 15), by Radha Basu and the comment made by the chairman of the Government Parliamentary Committee for Community Development, Youth and Sports, Mr Sin Boon Ann.

Mr Sin said that single mothers made the choice to raise their children single-handedly because they are better educated and financially more independent today.

However, he added, they should not ask the Government to bend rules to accommodate them.

My own understanding is that they are not asking for charity or handouts.

These single mothers are asking for equal and fair treatment from the Government and the public, and to be given the same benefits which all other mothers enjoy.

Is that too much to ask for?

In the first place, why does the Government provide income tax relief and maid-levy subsidies for mothers?

I am sure that the Government understands and empathises with parents on the high cost of bringing up children, and wants to help them in that area. That being the case, why exclude single mothers from the various schemes?

Single or married, all mothers love their children and want to provide them with the best they possibly can, especially the basic needs of good childcare, a roof over their heads and education.

Legitimate or not, all children have similar needs. Why then exclude single mothers from tax relief?

Children of single mothers need caregivers too, so why exclude single mothers from claiming caregiver and maid-levy subsidies?

These mothers and their children, like every other family, need a roof over their heads. Why then exclude them from being eligible for the application of Housing Board flats?

Although Mr Sin said 'no baby will be deprived of milk powder or a roof over his head', single mother Ginny Phang said it took her six months to get approval for her HDB flat.

I appeal to the relevant authorities to be more forgiving and look at the positive characteristics of these single mothers, and to provide these courageous women with the same and fair treatment and benefits which their married counterparts are receiving.

Jolene Wendy Lim

* * * * *

I refer to the article, 'Single mums' plea Don't ignore us' (ST, April 15).

The plight of single mothers is regrettable, and the conduct of irresponsible fathers, appalling. However, giving clear preferential treatment to traditional families does not equal embracing an outdated dogma.

The answer to the problems single mothers face lies not in quick policy fixes by doling out privileges equally, but rather in reforming lax public attitudes towards sex and marriage, and having harsh deterrents.

Daryl Lim

* * * * *

22 April 2005
Straits Times Forum

I applaud financial planner Jessica Toh, the single mum in the Upfront article, 'Single mums' plea Don't ignore us' (ST, April 15), for choosing to keep her baby despite her trying circumstances.

I would like to share my experiences. I, too, had an unplanned pregnancy, and would have chosen to keep the child regardless of whether her father chose to bear the responsibility.

Fortunately for my daughter and I, he did. Despite our having to grow up quickly, having our daughter is the best thing that has happened to my husband and I.

The pro-life versus pro-choice debate is not new. From the pro-choice camp are those who would rather terminate a life than to, they feel, bring it up with less than adequate resources.

Then there are others who are able to provide for a child easily but chose not to compromise their lifestyles. My classmate who had an abortion recently is one of them. She is a beautiful, intelligent and educated media student who drives and goes clubbing every night.

What is worrying is this group of people the increasing number of women who view abortion as convenient, who have been conditioned to have their priorities centred on themselves.

The article says that only one third of single mums are teens. I also read recently that only a minority of those who have had abortions are teens. Many women who could have avoided an abortion, some of whom are married, chose not to do so.

To me, it's really quite simple. If you are not ready for a child, don't get yourself pregnant, but if you make a mistake, like I did, then make the best of it and learn from it.

If you are pregnant by accident and you feel you are too young or not ready to be a mother, let me say this from first-hand experience You don't have to have certain traits to become a 'good' mother, it's being a mother that changes you.

I have another friend, younger than me, who has had three abortions. Each time, the child was fathered by the same man who was not ready to be a father.

The fourth time she got pregnant, she decided to keep the child. She did not choose to get married even though he wanted to.

Watching her child grow up now, she feels remorse over what she has lost. In her own words, 'A baby is a living being, not an insect you can crush and kill...'

It's not easy being a teenage mother, or living with the stigma of an unplanned pregnancy. It's even tougher having to do it alone.

It's unfair that unplanned pregnancies and single mums are condemned but abortion is increasingly accepted, regardless of the mother's 'ability' to keep the child.

I am not a martyr, and neither are the women who choose to carry on with their unplanned pregnancies just because they, like me, wanted to make the best of a bad situation.

It's not about whether this country needs kids. It's about the lack of a supportive environment for women who are just trying to do the right thing.

Wendy Ho Shuxia (Ms)

* * * * *

22 April 2005
Straits Times Forum

I refer to recent letters concerning the plight of unwed single mothers and their fate in Singapore.

The present policy, seemingly against unwed single mothers, punishes them extra-legally, and continues to punish them and then their children. But to what effect?

Why let sticking to one's principle - that of 'not encouraging an alternative family choice' - become so set in stone that being right or wrong becomes irrelevant, and the system becomes an uncaring and uncompassionate one?

Do we visit the sins of the parent on her children, as in biblical times, so much so that the child must be made to pay for what his parent foolishly did in the heat of the moment?

Would that child grow up bitter and become caught up in a never-ending cycle of crime as all he is worth is just a roof and milk powder?

Better chuck the baby at the door of a community centre, then their separate lives would probably be better off than for the mother to take up her moral responsibility, and be shunned.

It seems that being responsible is worse off than being irresponsible one more time!

Granted that allowing some leeway with the public-housing policy may open up possibilities not intended at its inception, but, surely, in the name of compassion there should be a small scheme to help such mothers?

Not so much to condone what they had done, but to stop the cycle of punishment and blame and to give the child the best chance to grow up happy, like every other child.

Michael Loh Yik Ming