| March
1999
Power 98FM: the transcript source: transcribed from audiotape
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 Suzanne Walker (SW) :
...topic for this evening. What would your reaction be if you're a parent, say
you're a parent and you have a son and your son turns out gay. He comes home and
says mom dad I am gay. What would your reaction be?
Caller #2 : First thing it will be sad but no matter what I'm still going to be there for him. He's my son and I carried him for 9 months and I'll be there for him. SW : But why would you be sad? C2 : Because he's a boy and he turned out to be a gay but then again no matter what he is still my son. I'm definitely going to be there for him. I'm definitely not going to chase him out or ask him to go join whatever that man said. I won't ask him to do that, he's my son. He will always be. I love him since the time he was born and I'll love him till the time he leaves. SW : Do you have children yourself? C2 : I do have. SW : I have a son too and has the thought ever crossed your mind oh what if he grows up gay? C2 : Yes. Sometimes I would just tease him when he lays down and watch television and I would just go hey don't do that and he goes do what and I said don't lie down like Marilyn Monroe you're scaring me... SW : I have those thoughts because you know how kids are. They like to take your handbag and play with your makeup right? C2 : Exactly. SW : So I mean the thought has crossed my mind and I've always wondered how I would react! I don't know but I think that men have a harder time accepting this. Would you agree? C2 : Yes I think they...well because I do have some friends...gay friends and I've spoken to them and I've heard a lot about it. It's okay with the moms but not the dads. SW : But why? What sort of obstacles do they have to actually try to...you know they come up against when it comes down to the father. C2 : I think it's just that they cannot accept that their son is gay. I think they're embarrassed mostly because they are embarrassed. SW : Meaning that I'm straight so why is he gay? C2 : Right. SW : That's interesting but I was thinking if my son is gay I'll love him till the day he leaves. I'm glad you called because I'm talking to another mom too. Thank you so much for calling. C2 : You're welcome. (off line) SW : Well I have to add too that I have thought a lot about this and I've figured that if my son turned out gay I would be sad and my reasons for being sad is that I will never have grandchildren and he would never be able to experience the joy of being a daddy and I think a lot about it and just think that it doesn't matter because when you give love you get love back and it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight. SW : Hello? Caller #3 : Hello good evening Suzanne. SW : Good evening your views and thoughts if your son actually is gay. C3 : Well I think it's going to be a very sad thing. SW : Why would it be sad for you? C3 : Well I mean er if bringing a kid up and hoping that they will help you I mean follow the line of family and at the same time get married give birth to grandchildren and suddenly your son comes home and tell you say oh I'm gay then all this dream go down the drain I think it will be a very sad day I think. SW : Why do you think men have a difficult time accepting this. C3 : I guess it's more because as men ourselves we just feel I mean why gay? SW : What do you mean why gay? C3 : I mean there is so much that the opposite sex can offer why be a gay? SW : Would you think that it's insulting? Oh I fathered a guy who's gay. I mean do they take it this way? C3 : I don't know about other guys for me I don't think it's so much of this but so much of that I may have questions say where did I go wrong in my education and my teachings that my son suddenly become gay. SW : Like why I never play more football with him right? C3 : No...maybe I didn't talk enough about girls thing with him that's why he has lost interest in girls but serious I think er of course I would try to talk to him and explain to him but I say ultimately if he is a gay then there's really nothing much I can do but to accept that fate. SW : Would you try your hardest to convert him? C3 : Oh I would definitely try I will not give up until I really feel that it's a hopeless cause other than that I will keep on trying to maybe bring him out for a drink and see more girls. I don't know but I really feel that to be honest I have a son and if he is going to tell me that he's going to be a gay I don't know how I'm going to take the shock. SW : Now that you're telling me you have a son has the thought ever crossed your mind? C3 : No I mean it seems like it's natural that my son is going to be interested in girls get married give birth to grandchildren the thought never occurred to me now that you mentioned it it's kind of scary know. SW : Because it's been like in my mind for the past year I'm wondering oh how would I deal with it how would I react to it. C3 : I don't know I mean my son is still quite young I know he's at the stage where he's starting to be more curious for example the mom's dressing all this but I think this is part and parcel of growing up I think he will grow out of it soon but if let's say 15 years down the line 20 years down the line he tells me he's gay oh boy I don't know how I'm going to take it. SW : You shouldn't have played with mommy's dresses. C3 : Oh come on I mean that is normal I mean I compared even when I was young you tend to be more curious because woman's dressing is something you don't associate with everyday so you tend to be more curious you want to know what is it about but I think he will grow out of it and if the day comes when he doesn't then it's a very big problem. SW : Thank you so much for your call. C3 : OK, bye bye (off line) SW : I have to add a little footnote here in my many conversations with my friends I have actually come to the conclusion that I don't think it's the parents' fault and they shouldn't take blame for what sort of lifestyle their sons decide to choose at the end of the day. SW : Hello? What would you like to share with us? Caller #4 : Good evening. Now every parent called to say they are shocked which I'm sure is very normal. I would be shocked if my son comes back and says I am a gay or I am a drug addict. SW : Are you a mom? C4 : Yes I am I mean does it ever occur to them that it could be hormonal problem? SW : What do you mean that... C4 : I mean it's internal it's not that they want to be a gay but it could be you know hormones problem and things like that. SW : So you think that it's not the parents' fault. C4 : It could be the parents' fault yeah I mean just bring him for a checkup and if it's not hormonal and then the fault could be just on the parents. SW : So you think that sometimes it's a medical problem? C4 : It could be. SW : So you mean you would take your son to the doctor and try to get him... C4 : I would yes and if the doctor confirm that it's nothing wrong with hormones then it's environment. SW : And then you would take the blame yourself? C4 : I would not take the blame but of course I would just sit back and try and think you know whether there is anything wrong with our upbringing. SW : Hah? And at the end of the day if the doctor says everything OK and you sit back and think about you know if you did thing wrong you can't actually blame yourself... C4 : We can't blame ourselves but then at least we know where went wrong if we can find out the cause. SW : Wouldn't that be too late? C4 : No. I mean if not hormonal problem we can try and rectify. SW : How are you going to rectify? C4 : Why not is he really into guys if he's into guys we can find out why. Has he been jilted before? SW : And then you would try to make him more interested in girls? C4 : We can try in many ways but of course I am not going to just sit there and cry my heart out and I'm not going to be embarrassed him. SW : But you're also not going to accept it are you? C4 : Ermmm...no I'm not going to say I'm not going to accept it. If he tells me firmly that I want to be like that I'm happy like that OK fine. SW : But would still give him all the love... C4 : Oh yes yes of course I mean I gave birth to him you know. SW : I know when you carry for 9 months it's no joke. C4 : True. I mean if he's a drug addict I'm still going to love him and I think that is even worse than a gay. I mean there are armed robbers I mean they are even worse I mean I would rather have a son who's a gay than one who's an addict. SW : I will have to agree with you there. Thank you so much for your call. Bye bye C4 : Bye bye SW : Hello? Are you calling about our topic for this evening? Caller #5 : Oh yah yah it is really an interesting topic SW : OK are you a daddy yourself? C5 : No. SW : OK but what if you found out that your son is gay what would your reactions be? C5 : First of all I would give him one tight slap on the left and one tight slap on the right. SW : WHY?!?! C5 : Because it's gay my god! SW : But come on... C5 : I'm trying to be frank because I was quite amused when everybody sounded so great on the air. That's nonsensical don't you think? I mean he's gay you know. SW : What do you mean? That people shouldn't actually be accepting of it? C5 : Yah precisely if everybody going to accept that oh my god what will happen to the world and I guess we have problem with pregnancy and stuff like that too. SW : But this has been around for a long long time I mean don't you think that be getting violent that doesn't really help anything I mean he's your son you know. You'd beat up your son? C5 : I'm not being violent you know. I'm being frank. No one should actually accept such a thing. In fact they should go for more counselling and stuff like that don't you think so. SW : OK say you're the dad and you slap your son, basically this is your reaction but do you do it because you feel insulted? You feel that there is something wrong with you as a dad? C5 : Yes I do feel it's very sad in fact but of course lah I mean if really I give them a lot of counselling he's still gay of course there's nothing I can do but I definitely won't support him to go for operation or stuff like that SW : Really ah? C5 : Yah I'm trying to be frank you know. It seems to me that all the listeners are so great you know...wow...you know... SW : But don't you think that you're being a bit closed-minded here? C5 : You should you do? I can't imagine 2 guys having sex, that's a horrible thing oh my god. SW : All right thank you so much for your call. C5 : OK bye bye. SW : ...I'm gunning for my last caller this evening. Hello good evening! Caller #6 : Hello! SW : Hi you're calling about our topic for this evening? C6 : Yes that's right. SW : You're a parent and you find out your son is gay. What would your reactions be? C6 : Actually I wouldn't really know primarily because I'm not a parent yet but I'm calling up as someone who has come out to my parents and I have heard pretty rabid cries that there are some who are very for it and some who are not. I think that it's not so much about them but it's rather how the mother's son or the daughter who comes out is homosexual you know. It's how much they take it upon themselves because it's not easy for them. I know when I came out to my parents, it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy on my mom, it wasn't easy on my dad and it certainly wasn't easy on me at all. There was a lot of emotional drama and all of that. SW : How did you make that announcement? You just told them straight? C6 : I sat them down one day, well, separately. And I came out to them. I just told them. I think it's stems more as a result from me being honest with them. SW : And how was your mom's reaction? C6 : There were a lot of tears and a lot of denials and she actually didn't speak to me for about a month or so and then after that she did the whole counselling thing. SW : Really? Did she send you to a doctor or a psychiatrist? C6 : Well we didn't go to a doctor and all that but she started getting me books on how to be a man of the family, how to be a family man, that kind of thing. SW : OK so she tried to be constructive about it. C6 : Yes she did. SW : How about your dad? C6 : I only came out to my dad about 2 years later. SW : You mean your mom kept it as a secret for so long? C6 : Mmm primarily because my parents are separated and my mom wanted to keep it between the 2 of us until we'd seen further down along the line, after some time, how this thing had turned out, whether it was just a passing phase. SW : But when you made the announcement to your dad, your mom had already accepted you for who you are? C6 : It was a very gradual step and quite frankly I didn't actually really formally come out to him. In fact, I sat down with my dad over dinner and just talking about the whole issue and he just had to mention oh yes I've known about you for quite some time. SW : How difficult was it like for you? That's what we all want to know. C6 : It was intensely difficult. Here you are with parents who expect so much from you and being pretty much the only son there is a lot of pressure and I guess that's societal and cultural as well that you carry on the family line and if your sexuality is along those lines you can't very well carry it along. At least not in the conventional way. SW : So you felt a lot of guilt? C6 : Yes there was a lot of that. SW : Did you feel as if you weren't really fulfilling your duties as a filial son? C6 : Yes, pretty much that. SW : But you had to do what you had to do right? C6 : Well, to put it in a very mild manner, yes. SW : Given a choice if you could turn back time would you not do what you did, or are you very proud of what you did? C6 : I think because there were a lot of issues in my family and I guess my coming out actually helped to vocalise and really make those issues heard and we really took the time to sit down and resolve them. And I think that healed the family a lot better. SW : And they all love you now? C6 : Oh yes they do. Pretty much. SW : Love you every day of the day? C6 : Oh yeah. Of course sometimes whenever I give cat calls from the TV and you know my mom then says oh stop. SW : But she loves you anyway. C6 : Yes she does. SW : Thank you so much for your call. Bye bye. C6 : Right no worries. Take care and bye bye. SW : Well
there you go our last caller for this evening. A personal account of someone who
actually came out to the open and announced to his parents and I think it was
very brave of him to actually call up and share it with us. But I must actually
end on this note that perhaps to use a cliché honesty is always the best policy
and perhaps honesty and facing everything head on is the best way to actually
find happiness be it in the family or even within yourself.
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